I’m in Velebit in a sweet little shelter on a fantastic spot with white rocks pointing out of the forest all around me. Wooden wildlife keeps me company. Other than that, I’m all alone. The wind blows wildly through the trees and the clouds change their shapes every minute. Alone in the mountains. In a cosy wooden shelter where I feel comfortable. Where I feel at home.
Time stopped. It’s just me and my thoughts that bring me back to the things that are familiar. Time. Isolated from everything and everyone that rushes on. Again, it’s only me that brings me back to that place. That city mode. But I don’t want to go back. I like this break.
Being alone is not difficult or painful for me. I like it and I need it. But being alone among or even with other people can be exhausting. At the same time, I like it and I need it. And it’s what I’ve been doing the last few months. All alone in new places, unfamiliar surroundings, environments with unfamiliar nature, people, culture and customs. On one hand, it’s what I like about travelling. On the other, I need to stop in time. Take a break and be really alone for a day or two. Alone alone, where I can recharge. No decision-making, no logistics, no conversations, no WiFi, no nothing. Just me.
Alone alone is not the same as lonely alone. In a way I’m always alone when I’m travelling, but I’m not lonely. It’s my Eva-zone where I feel as close as I can come to feeling free. Maybe it’s a flight, maybe I try to escape. If so, running away would not be the solution, but whatever it is what I’m doing, it does me good.
I read. I lose myself in a story which is not mine. That’s how I can get a break of the storm in my head. The never ending storm of thoughts, possibilities, opportunities and expectations. Yeah, I know that meditation might help as well. I should do that, I want to, but it doesn’t turn off the storm completely like a good book does for me. I do accept that the storm is there though.
Mali Princ, I would love to see you. Hike you and tick you of my list. But you will wait for me, right? I believe you will still be there when I’m ready. Forgive me if I use the weather as an excuse not to meet you. Forgive me if I decided to hit the road without saying hi to you. I will come back when I can really enjoy our time together. When the time is right.
It’s a comfortable idea that there is a prince, a Mali Princ who won’t run away. It makes me feel relaxed even when the wind makes everything but calming sounds. The wind hits the shelter, but I’m warm and dry. The clouds cover the mountains, but I’m safely surrounded by wooden cosiness.
I read another chapter and fall a sleep again. No need to go back yet. No need to meet my Prince right now and no need to go out and seek for whatever it is, I’m seeking for.