Quite often I loose myself in trying to find answers. The right answers of course. I know that they don’t exist and if they do, that they will change all the time. There are no ultimate answers and that’s OK. I accepted that, but sometimes I forget. I forget that I accepted it. And that it was OK.
At the same time, I really like thinking about possible answers. Nuance them, develop them. Talk about them. I like the process. And I like to séé this process. Even when I feel lost and start repeating myself.
In everyday life you’re supposed to give a straightforward answer to questions like “What do you do for living?”
What I do for living, is that the same as how I keep myself alive? Does the state or the quality of that life (mine) matters? I mean, basically I don’t need much to stay alive. So automatically I start to think whý I do the things I do.
The short, compact answers can’t completely cover it. They’re unsatisfying. On the other hand, do they have to? Why do I always feel the need to explain? Especially when that in fact, is not an answer to the question.. Isn’t it enough that I do what I do because think that it’s the right thing to do? Isn’t it enough that I know that I’m striving to do good or ‘the good thing’, whatever that might be.. (another question without a short, clear or right answer.. (but still interesting to think about)).
Introducing myself. I hate it. It takes more time to write a short introduction about myself than to write an article. When you introduce yourself you have to describe who you are. Or describe a version of who you are. “I’m Eva”, that’s easy. “a girl from Amsterdam”, girl or woman? … Never mind, girl sounds better. “who loves mountains, walking barefoot, being inspired and sharing what inspires me.” It’s funny how I switch from introducing myself to describing myself. “I write about what I think and feel, my passions and adventures.” Yes, that’s what I do. On my website.
Does that make me a storyteller?
I like the word. It looks good and it sounds good.
Telling stories, that’s what I like to do, what I truly enjoy. Storyteller. The longer I think about it, the more I love it. It makes perfect sense. With telling stories you share something. An experience, a thought, a feeling or an idea. A passion or a special moment. It can be funny, silly or meaningful. Useful, interesting. It can be anything. It’s a way of expressing, putting ‘things’ into words. Or not even in words. You can tell stories in different ways. I choose my blog as the medium. For now.
Storyteller. That’s what I would like to be.
On my website and in real life.
Perhaps this is what my father tried to say when he wrote me an email a few weeks ago. ˝Just a random thought˝ is how he titled his message. He mentioned the drive to tell stories and said that that drive is often personal. Could it be that my father is right with his thought that the reason why I do something with my experiences is in fact the bearer of my story?
And therefor the medium could be anything. A blog, a photo, a video, a presentation, a conversation or even a book.
This way “what I do for living” is what I do in life. It’s part of who I am, what I am.
Sounds like I found myself an answer after all.
For now 😉